How does insurance work?

John and Mary's house just burned down yesterday.

Mary called the insurance company and said, "My house was burned down and I want to get my money."

The insurance agent said, "Actually, our insurance doesn't work that way. We will check what you lost in the fire and provide you a new one, which is identical or similar to your previous one. "

Mary said, "Oh, I see."

Mary thinks a while and said, "Then, please just cancel the insurance policy on my husband."

Honest Insurance Agent

Tom is an honest insurance sales guy. One day, one of his clients asked him "Will my insurance make me rich?"

Tom replied, "Actually, it makes you poor when you are alive. However, the good news is, you will die rich."

Insurance is paying for everything

There are three guys swimming at a beautiful beach in Hawaii.

The first guy said, "I had a horrible fire and lost my home. However, the insurance company paid for my loss. That's why I am here."

The second guy said, "I had a scary explosion and lost my car. However, the insurance company paid for my loss. That's why I am here."

The third guy said, "I had a big earthquake and lost everything. However, the insurance company paid for my loss. That's why I am here."

The first and second guys turned to the third guy and asked, "Wow! How do you start an earthquake?"

Car accident

Roger is an insurance sale guy.
On a weekend, he was teaching his son to drive.

Suddenly, his son said, "Dad! The brakes are not working at all! I can not stop the car. We are going to die!"

Roger said, "That's not important. Just try to hit something cheap."

Health Care

Tom had some question about his health insurance plan so he called the customer service.

Tom asked, "I need to have a heart transplant but I am not sure if a HMO practitioner can do that for me."

The customer service lady said, "I can not make decision for you, but all your risk is the $20 co-pay. I think you should give it a try."

Choice of Insurance Sale Rep

Andy was a successful insurance sales rep when he was alive. 

An angel came to asked him where he would like to stay. He had two choices, Heaven or Hell.

Andy said, "Can I see Heaven first?"

The Angel said, "Sure"

Andy was led to Heaven and he saw beautiful scenery and nice people. Everything looked so peaceful. 

Then Andy asked, "Can I see Hell, too?"

The Angel replied, "No problem."

Suddenly, he was led to Hell. However, Hell is different than he originally thought. During the short tour, several beautiful girls kept dancing around him.  Everybody in Hell seems so happy. 

After he went to both places, the angel asked for his decision. 

Andy said, "I know Heaven is a nice and peaceful place. However, Hell is more fun and it really impresses me. I have decided to stay in Hell"

Andy was send to Hell right away but there is no beautiful girl anymore. He was suffering all kinds of tortures. 

The angel said, "Last time, it is just the sales demo for you. It is the real Hell this time"

Insurance Rep

Amy is very sick and she went to see a doctor.

The doctor, John, told her, "There is a very bad news. You can only live for another 7 days"

Amy replied, "Doctor, Tell me! What should I do?"

John said, "Only one thing you can do. Find an insurance sales rep and marry him"

Amy said, "Will that make me live longer?"

John said, "Of course not, but you will feel time goes by so slowly and the remaining 7 days is like forever."